It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
