we have officially lost it.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
