We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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