Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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