he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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