I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
