I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
