Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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