dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
