i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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