when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
