Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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