two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
