my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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