my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
