You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
