And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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