I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
