Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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