My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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