when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
