Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
