why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
