Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize