I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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