where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
