I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
