everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize