I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
