Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize