So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
