I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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