i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
