Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
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