i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
