I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
