from now on my penis is your penis
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
