he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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