I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
