Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
