awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
