I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
