i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
