when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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