we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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