"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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