i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize