I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
