Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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