Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
