Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
