so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
