i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
