I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
