Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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