Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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