I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
