I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I will be naked everywhere
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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