So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
