YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm too high and old for this...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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