I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
honey bunches of taint.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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