Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
