The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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