Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize