i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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