I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
