The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
