so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
