you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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