we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
