Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
