Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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