just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
